I was brought up in a working class environment, where the basic values of life was hard physical work, loyalty to your employer, never forget where one came from and stick to your own kind. For this reason, we only had two books at home, The Sea Wolf and White Fang by Jack London. My father had them on loan indefinitely from the local library, for the simple reason to show our neighbours that our family had ambitions beyond the village limit. I wouldn’t have touched those books if I hadn’t caught the measles as a bored ten year old and with plenty of time to kill, I started reading them. I just couldn’t stop. Once finished, I knew I had discovered an unknown, very exiting and important world. That discovery, in combination with a mother who loved me above all, gave me a self-confidence and a sense of uniqueness, to know that my future lay beyond the limits of the village.

Consequently, as quick as I turned 16, after spending most of my time avoiding the utterly boring knowledge taught in school, I set off for India, prepared to spend a year studying Mahayana Buddhism. Those studies only gave me diarrhoea and gut pains. Instead, I ended up hiking, reading and travelling around. When my money eventually ran out, I returned home with a wish to build bridges of understanding between people by writing, lecturing, filming and through photography. I met a total lack of interest. At that moment I realized, that I had to do something that nobody else had done before. So over the next 7.5 years I cycled from Chile to Alaska, from Norway to South Africa and from New Zealand to Cairo. I pedalled a total distance of 90000 kilometres passing through difficult terrain as the Sahara Desert and the Darien Gap. Since then, I’ve been privileged to live a dream.

The true explorer is unselfish, curious and ready to sacrifice his life in the quest of discovering unknown areas and human limits. An explorers life is a mission to make this earth of ours a better one to live in. For everybody.

My Testament of Life, so far…

by

Mikael Strandberg

I just love life!

I wake up every morning thinking: “Yes!!! I have another privileged day ahead of me! Another day to try to change the world!  And I am still alive and kicking!”

The Explorers Club in London believes I am the best contemporary explorer in the world at the present. This is of course utterly wrong. Nevertheless I do feel honoured! But why does Barry Moss, the great chairman of the Club, believe this? Well, not only is he one of my very best friends, but he knows my life story. He knows that the real explorer is the one, who explores every moment and every day of his, or hers, life. Not only on an Expedition. An individual, who understands that joy and tragedy, are part of being a human and fully alive. You have to dare, even in every day life, to be able to live life to its fullest. If there’s one major lesson of life I have learned exploring, this is the one:

“Life is very short. This is the only opportunity you will get. Just take it!”

The Explorers Club in London believes I am the best contemporary explorer in the world at the present. This is of course utterly wrong. Nevertheless I do feel honoured! But why does Barry Moss, the great chairman of the Club, believe this? Well, not only is he one of my very best friends, but he knows my life story. He knows that the real explorer is the one, who explores every moment and every day of his, or hers, life. Not only on an Expedition. An individual, who understands that joy and tragedy, are part of being a human and fully alive. You have to dare, even in every day life, to be able to live life to its fullest. If there’s one major lesson of life I have learned exploring, this is the one:

“Life is very short. This is the only opportunity you will get. Just take it!”

I am really trying to do just that. Therefore, on paper, my life has been a series of near tragedies. I was born two months early, in a taxi, 48 years ago and nobody believed I would survive. I did, kicking and screaming more than most kids at the hospital. Seven years later I was rescued on a ferry from Sweden to England by a couple of sailors, who pulled me up from my place, where I was hanging on with only my hands gripping a rope on the outside of this gigantic ferry, ten metres up from the deadly sea. When they asked why I, as they saw it, tried to kill myself, whilst my mother was crying loud of anguish, I answered:

“I just had to see what it was like on the other side.”

When I was ten I discovered books. We had only three books at home, a picturesque house located in a tiny village surrounded by a lush Swedish countryside. My dad, a bricklayer, had stolen them from the local library, most likely so that we would look more intellectual and cultured than our working class neighbours. It was the Bible, White Fang by Jack London and the Last of the Mohicans by James Fenimore Cooper. They opened the gates to the outside world and took me away, forever, from the safe harbour and a potential future rat race to be like everybody else. Since then I have tried to stay free from normality.

At the age of seventeen I hitch-hiked to India, inspired by Herman Hesse´s book “Siddharta”. It is kind of a story about Buddha himself and all the phases of existence he passes through to understand the meaning of life. Therefore, I wanted to become a Buddhist monk. But after ten days in a monastery I realized that being ad infinitum silent and scratching one’s bum in boredom, wasn’t my path to understanding.

Instead I cycled from Chile to Alaska. It made me understand that in order to live a full life, you have to venture outside the confinements of the safe harbour of the known. But, I also realized that I didn’t really understand anything and that I needed to continue cycling. Which I did. Another 5 years. From North-Cape in Norway to Cape of Agulhaes, South-Africa. And from New Zealand to Egypt through Asia. All together 90 000 km. During this time I had hundreds of punctures, too many diseases, some deadly one’s like malaria, I almost collided with a lion in Tanzania and a black bear in Alaska, but it was only an angered baboon in Congo which managed to injure me, I got robbed twice, attacked by Taliban’s in Baluchistan and I was one of the first in history to cross the Sahara by a bicycle and that piece of Jungle between Colombia and Panama called El Darién.

What was the most important lesson I learned cycling?

Two really. The most important, most human beings are extra ordinary and generous. Secondly, cycling is too fast to fully understand. So, I stopped cycling, went to Patagonia to follow my dream to live as a cowboy, bought 12 horses and during one year explored the unknown parts of this, one of the most spectacular places on earth.

Most of the time crossing the vast empty steppes of Patagonia I thought about human kind and become conscious at the end that I probably had to live with a people which was relatively untouched by modern civilisation. Because I understood a long time ago that we humans were a mere 150 000 years old as a species, and the last 5 000 years, we had lived in some kind of an organized society, but that we, in heart, still were simple beings. A species were the fire and freedom was essential parts of happiness.

With this in mind, I went to live with the il-purko clan of the Maasai and during a year I crossed the vast savannah to explore all sixteen groups which make up the Maasai tribe. It was a year dominated by drought, drinking nailanga (cows blood mixed with milk), lots of diarrhoea, living very close to the great wildlife of the African savannah and just getting very confused by a very restricted tribal life. Far from the freedom I was looking for. Suddenly I realised that I had to seek my roots, to understand. Four years later I went to Siberia.

Siberia changed my life completely. And it ruined it. It was the best time in my life. It had everything I have ever dreamt about. The enormous taiga and the extreme cold gave me and my partner Johan Ivarsson unlimited freedom. We hunted and fished to survive. We met the best people on earth, the native Siberians. It felt like I had finally understood. Also, I felt like it doesn’t matter one bit if I die now. I have seen all. Returning home was a disaster. It completely ruined my life for the next three years. A tragic divorce with the worst of consequences. I faced bitterness, hatred, shame and personal ruin. When I didn´t care anymore, I ended up in Yemen, with an idea to cross the two biggest desert on earth by camel. One of the reasons, as always, was to build bridges of understanding between cultures and peoples. Another one was personal; it would be my final pilgrimage. The goal was to find some rest for my battered soul. Instead I found one of the major reasons for better understanding the meaning of life. I met love in the shape of a young American woman, who a year later, well, 26 days ago, gave me a gift in the shape of a miracle. A beautiful and extremely calming baby daughter. Suddenly my soul calmed down dramatically. I found what I was looking for, even before leaving on a camel from Oman to Mauretania. The pilgrimage is now on hold. Because I know, that no matter how much control over life you think you have, it can end in a second and you find yourself back to wandering the streets of understanding.

So, what lessons of life can I share so far?

I think most important is, life is short. And we are here, only this time, why waste it not living to its full? Since I am privileged to try to motivate people to change their attitude to life and find some kind of contentness, because if people were content, they wouldn´t hire me as much as they do, I can say that the main question from the audience is:

How do we do it? How do we get a more exiting life?

There’s no real answer. Everyone has to reach their own stage at the crossroad of life, when they have to take a decision. What I know is that it can’t be a half hearted choice. Don’t worry what people think. Everyone will eventually end up in that cross road. Such are we thinking humans. We question. We want peace of mind. There’s no age to take the step. Everyone has its own time to take a decision. When I am starting to get to comfortable, I immediately think:

“Mikael, remember, and never forget, that life is to short. Get out there and live! Nobody is going to thank me for not doing it!”

No matter all the problems, near tragedies, real catastrophes and angst I have gone through in life, I don´t regret a second for choosing this life style. Most of it, however, has been a fantastic life, but one needs sorrow and tragedy to enjoy all aspects of life. So don’t give up if tragedy strikes! Just see it as an experience which makes you stronger, healthier, more humble and wiser. Just live!

One other reason is that this choice of life gives me a lot of self confidence when it comes to the future. No matter how bad things become, I only need a tent, an axe, a mattress, a few pots, and a fishing rod to survive and enjoy life. And I would than walk in to the forest somewhere on this earth, maybe the Siberian taiga, do a small, but warming fire after a few days of walking, not too big a fire to scare away the potential game, put on a pot of coffee, set a trap, feel the fresh air, shiver in the beginning winter cold, sense the total freedom and take out one of those cohibas I have saved for the occasion. Than I would smoke it, slowly, and look back at a very interesting life. And think:

“Yes, I have lived to its fullest capacity!”

Please visit my sponsors Termo who are making it possible for me to write 2 blog reports per week. Just click the logo to find the best underwear on earth.

Lately I have received requests to publish an interview and the only one I could think about was this one, from back in 2009. Sorry for old content, but I have a lot of new readers and they haven´t read it, so bare with me. I am abroad and will be back soon with some interesting stories to tell.

Mikael Strandberg – Legendary Explorer and Adventurer

by

BenAthletes & Interviews, Outdoor Industry News

CheapTents.com contacted Mikael Strandberg just a couple of days ago, along with a select few other MSR sponsored adventurers…and he kindly agreed to give us an insight into the life of this prolific adventurer…literally one of whom who has traveled into virgin territory on remarkable expeditions.

Mikael Strandberg Interview

CheapTents.com: What inspired you to make exploring your profession?

Mikael: Many things, but first of all a curiosity to try to understand the meaning of life. More an intellectual challenge, then simply a physical one. the physical aspect, the limits of a human being, are less interesting, but I prefer traveling by my own means, since it is far easier to get in touch with these cultures and peoples I want to get to know and understand.

CheapTents.com: What has been your biggest adventure or other exploratory achievement?

Mikael: Exploring the Kolyma River located in the north-eastern part of Siberia. the coldest inhabited place on earth. See www.siberia.nu

The Purpose of the expedition along the Kolyma River:

The main aim was to use words, pictures and film to make a record of this unknown part of our world. This was a vital task, since in the course of our extensive research work we have realised that not even the Russians or the Siberians themselves have a comprehensive picture of the area along the Kolyma River. The obstacles are the cold, the distance, the size and the isolation.

The area is untouched, remote and unknown. Nonetheless the area is as rich in gold, oil and mineral deposits as the rest of Siberia. This part of the world is one of the few remaining places on earth that is virgin territory. This is a genuine journey of discovery.

We also believe that it is in this untouched area that the answers to many of the questions asked by modern men are to be found: What are we doing here? What is our task? How do we find calm, harmony and satisfaction in our lives?

Here’s a snippet of the time spent in North-East Siberia:

The day I arrived to the small Siberian settlement of Kolymskaya was the happiest moment of my exploring life. It was the end of the most demanding part of my Expedition along the Kolyma River, one of the coldest inhabited places on earth.

I had, together with my assistant Johan, spent most of the past 5 months hauling 660 pounds of necessities, mainly in utter darkness, experiencing a terrifying cold with average temperatures around -50°F, day and night. A reality which made sleep almost impossible, giving us plenty of frostbites on both fingers and cheeks and it ruined most metal parts in our equipment. Like our ski bindings, and therefore, we arrived walking, not skiing, to the village.

It seemed like every inhabitant were there to greet us with customary warmth, joy and most of them were dressed in their colourful traditional dress. We saw Chukchis, Even, Yakuts, Yugahirs and Russians. After the traditional welcoming offerings to the spirits, we were brought into the local museum, where more cheerful and hugging villagers awaited us, around a table full of local delicacies. After having survived mainly on moose meat and raw, frozen fish during most of the winter, we nearly cried when we came across big plates of fried reindeer brain and cooked bone marrow.

At that stage, I suddenly realized, after spending 20 years of exploring extreme parts of our world and trying to understand the meaning of life, from now on, I’ll stop thinking about the big worrisome issues and simply concentrate on the uncomplicated ones. Like the thought of some more cooked bone marrow.

CheapTents.com: What is you biggest weakness? Sport or otherwise…

Mikael: My biggest weakness….but it would also be my biggest strength….I am very naive and trust everybody. Unconditionally.

Plus that I am not very technically skilled. I am more an intellectual, not somebody who can repair things….

CheapTents.com: When did you feel like you ‘made it’ in your field of exploration? And do you feel like you’ve satisfied your goals?

Mikael: I felt like I made it after Siberia, getting a lot of worldwide attention. And after Siberia, felt like I had done everything in my wildest dreams and, life fell a part, 2½ years later, I am back with a search to find a new Expedition worthy Siberia…

CheapTents.com: What do you find most challenging about training / keeping fit? Any tips to overcome these challenges?

Mikael: The mot challenging is to avoid training getting static and boring, so I find new ways to train all the time. Right now, since I don´t know what kind of an Expedition I will set out on next time, i am bodybuilding, adding on big muscles, since it makes a difference in many ways when penetrating other cultures. And it makes your body very strong overall. When i finally know where to set up my next Expedition, I will change my training and tune in on that. Before Siberia I did a lot of hunting and fishing plus dragging tires all over the place, I lived then in the north of sweden, where I am born and hunted and fished 150 days a year. Now, I´ve left the bush, to live in the city. Which I love. i don´t want life to become static, boring and without challenge.

CheapTents.com: Blood thirsty question now, what has been your worst injury (if any) from your multiple adventures and how did it happen?

Mikael: No injuries at all. Physically, on the outside of the body. However, I did a test with a world famous polar scientist and athlete, Dr Arkady Maximov, and he said that my body takes a damange every time, every year on Expedition, which equals 5 normal years of living. So, I am therefore 150 years old…..but i have had pretty much all tropical diseases you can think about. Malaria, dengue fever, typhoid, etc. The reason, touch wood, for not having had any external injuries, is due to all year around training. And new techniques all the time.

Copyright Anders Åberg

CheapTents.com: What will be your most challenging adventure for next year?

Mikael: Am slowly preparing for the Empty Quarter, so see when it will be time to leave….

CheapTents.com: You’ve obviously been heavily involved with multiple explorations around the world, which has been your favourite and why?

Mikael: Siberia, see above. It changed my way how to look at life.

CheapTents.com: Where would you like to be in 5 years time? Main Ambitions?

Mikael: I have no idea at all, and it doesn’t bother me one bit. You only have ambitions until you realize the workings of life. One day at a time, who knows what tomorrow will be like?

CheapTents.com: For other budding outdoor sports enthusiasts, what tips can you provide to help other compete at a higher level?

Mikael: The only way to reach the top is to become a fanatic. Train harder then anybody else, read and prepare yourself harder than anybody else and fully concentrate all your life on the goal. The issue.

CheapTents.com: What are your favourite bits of gear, and why?

Mikael: I like a good tent and a good stove, the essentials of surviving nowadays….

CheapTents.com: Any people or sponsors that you’d like thank? Any other comments?

Mikael: Gee, so many, so many…see the sponsors list at www.siberia.nu

CheapTents.com Thank you Mikael, from all of the CheapTents.com team for the time spent answering our questions so openly and honestly, and for discovering and sharing so much!

Please visit my sponsors Termo who are making it possible for me to write 2 blog reports per week. Just click the logo to find the best underwear on earth!

“I remember when I was a young boy” , Nikolai Vadimovich said; “And I was standing down by the river, when a boat arrived. It was full of convicts and soldiers. The soldiers embarked quickly and formed a ring. A soldier in charge shouted to the convicts to get of the boat and if anybody would step out of the ring, he would be punished. One big convict ignored the warning and he got knocked down immediately. A rifle hit at the back of his head. That was the way peopled got punished in those days.”

We were sitting at the kitchen table belonging to the mayor of the little village called Oyondarnahk, as usual, listening intensely to what Nikolai Vadimovich had to say. He retired a few years back after being deputy major of Srednekolymsk for ten years. Before that he had been major himself during the Soviet era and spent another ten years during that era being deputy under the present mayor, Mr. Grigorjev. He´s one of these humble humans who´ve seen, heard and understood most things of life. Very wise, intelligent and easy going. A joy to spend a few hours listening to. He doesn´t judge, he listens and enjoys sharing his experiences and knowledge with others.

“The ruins after the Gulag which existed here” , he continued; “They are located just a few kilometers outside of Srednekolymsk. I remember passing it in a boat when I was a kid and a saw a lot of barracks surrounded by a fence of barbed wire. Stern soldiers patrolled the area. We were told that the prisoners were criminals.”

Everyone, without no exceptions, that we´ve come across along the Kolyma, with their own experience from the time of Stalin´s gulags, have said that nobody knew what was going on. One didn´t talk about it. And everybody thought that the convicts were simple criminals.

“Than perestroika arrived”, Nikolai Vadimovich continued; “And we got besieged by terrible information about the Gulags. Of course we got utterly shocked! But, still, I think there also should be said that it is important to try to find a true balance in all the revelations turning up about those dreadful years. I am not defending the atrocities, but everybody believes that 99% of all convicts were innocent political prisoners, but this is not the truth. There were plenty of the worst kind of criminals as well. And all camps were not like the one in Ambarchik Bay, a place you entered but never left again. Take this camp outside of Srednekolymsk for example, there were several levels of prisoners and some of them were considered not so dangerous and could even move around as they liked within the limit of this settlement. And other settlements along the Kolyma. Some of them were pioneers and started schools and hospitals and ended up being revered after their death. Some even stayed after the death of Stalin, when the history of the camps ended.”

As usual, we eventually ended up talking about the time before and after perestroika. Both Nikolai Vadimovich and the mayor of Oyondarnahk pointed out all the well-known problems which had arisen due to the fast change, but, both also noted, contrary to the normal opinions we´ve heard, that there were also plenty of positive aspects with the change. They even believed that there were more positive times coming up ahead. I told them, as I always do, about the general simplified image that we Swedes were fed regarding the times of the Soviet union, before the perestroika hit this vast land. I told them about a bleak, depressing picture of utterly serious people who were run by scrupulous dictator´s waving stone faced from the walls of the Kremlin. I told them about the deadly KGB and that we figured all Russians spent all days waiting in long queues to buy bread. And, it was almost impossible for a traveler to enter this vast land.

“One of the very positive aspects with perestroika…” , Nikolai Vadimovich continued; “…is the fact that borders are open for everybody to come.”

I told them about how difficult, how extremely costly and time-consuming it had been for us to be able to get the privilege to travel the Kolyma. Whether it is post-perestroika or not.

“Well”, Nikolai Vadimovich said; “Even though perestroika took place years ago, it still hasn´t arrived fully to Srednekolymsk.”

“But, what about the KGB during the Soviet Era here in Srednekolymsk” , I asked, “Did they track down, harass and imprison non-believers, did they use snitches and did they turn up at peoples doors in the middle of the night, taking them away and were people terrified to death by their presence?”

“You must have read that in a book” , they both answered at the same time; “It wasn´t like that at all. A state needs a security police, there´s no doubt about that. This applies to all countries. And regarding the KGB in Srednekolymsk, they did exist, but you never saw them. At times a KGB officer from Moscow came for a visit, checked things for a few days and than left. That´s it.”

They told my exactly the same things that I was told in Zyryanka. A bit of a disappointment, of course, after having read an enormous amount of exiting books and seen a number of thrillers from Hollywood which has involved the most dangerous of KGB-agents! Seriously, my opinion is that it was people in the big cities in the west, which suffered the most of all the negative aspects which came with the Soviet Era. Total control, the great worry about spies, the danger for people with different opinions and the internal narrow-mindedness. This is probably also the reason why so many along the Kolyma talk so positively about the Soviet era.

“But, it´s definitely very nice to meet people from other countries” , Nikolai Vadimovich laughed; “You´re not like we thought either!”

Please visit my sponsors Termo who are making it possible for me to write 2 blog reports per week. Just click the logo to find the best underwear on earth!

Peter Weir´s movie, The Way Back, inspired by the true events mentioned in Slavomir Rawicz and Ronald Downing´s book The Long Walk, made me think about the son of two murdered Gulag prisoners I came across in Siberia. I think this story will give a perspective on the film. And the book.

The son of two murdered Gulag prisoners tells his story

written as a dispatch during

The Kolyma Expedition

”Both my parents died in the camp here in Chersky”,  Stanislaw tells us at the same time we´re sitting in a jeep overlooking a magnificent blood red sunset over the Kolyma, ”My mother was polish and came from an aristocratic family. That was enough to be considered as an enemy of the Communist State and they were therefore taken as prisoners during the Second World War and eventually they ended up here in Chersky.”

”What about your father?” I ask, once again surprised over the fact that people just open up the door to their inner thoughts to a stranger, always unexpectedly.

”He owned a swine farm in Western Siberia” ,  Stanislaw answers almost in a whisper, ”And that was obviously enough to be considered as an enemy of the State. He also ended up here in Chersky, where he met my mother in the camp. That´s were I was born.”

Both parents perished

Today, Stanislaw works as a driver for the local administration here in Chersky and he has fascinated me since we arrived here. He´s almost bald, with a face so hard and rough as it looks like it´s been hacked out of a granite rock, a face totally void of feelings. He´s always smoking. He always has a scornful and challenging gaze. He´s one of those guys you don´t want to run into in a dark corner of a street.

”Both my parents perished in the camp, well, yes, my whole family on my mothers side disappeared and were murdered in Stalin´s camps and that name doesn´t exist anymore” ,  Stanislaw explains soberly, ”As a result I ended up as an orphan at a local orphanage. A very difficult time of my life. A place were only the strongest and fittest survived. And I was strong. You had to be. That´s why I also survived my years in the military service. I was used to the hard life in the orphanage and knew how to take care of myself. My whole life as a youngster was one long slog to survive and be stronger then the rest.”

Stalins Gulags

It is considered that the worst of all Stalin´s Gulags were to be found in this region, in Chersky and Ambarchik. Those local people we´ve come across who actively support these insane measures taken by Stalin, and there´s plenty of them along the Kolyma, say that the worst and most dangerous of all criminals, ended up in these two camps. The fact is, that these camps even had special death squadrons, so called bounty hunters, who were sent out to find and kill all prisoners who managed to escape. As proof that the hunters had tracked down and killed the escapees, they brought back the cut off hand of the unfortunate, which had their prisoner number tattooed, to the prison administration.

”It wasn´t easy being an orphan and the son of camp prisoners” , Stanislaw continues his sad account, ”KGB kept an eye on you all the time, well, all the time until the time of perestroika. And I never knew who actually were an KGB-agent or an informer. Half of all your friends and acquaintances was one of the other. There´s no doubt I enjoy life much more now. I can say whatever I like to anyone. I did do that even during the Communist times, since I knew that if they didn´t like what I said, where would they send me? I would just come back here!”

”But, how do feel about this today?” I ask, ”Don´t you feel a lot of hatred over the Soviets, the communists and all those which made you an orphan?”

”No, not at all” , Stanislaw answers not too surprisingly, ”Things are the way they are. The past cannot be undone. These were measures which had to be taken at the time, to construct the land we have today. Our Motherland. I understand it fully and agree. I am not doing to bad today. I have a Chukchi wife and two children. And I have a job, which most people don´t have right now in Chersky. I shouldn´t complain.”

Kolyma

His answer didn´t surprise me. It is pretty much the same I´ve received from all people who´s got similar experiences along the Kolyma. For me, it is impossible to understand this forgiving and understanding way to judge the mad dictator Stalin and the Gulag history. If I take into account all the unfortunate people I´ve come across all over the world during my 25 years of exploring, people with similar experiences, I believe this particular way to see things is very Russian. Indeed. And I have to add, that I feel the uttermost admiration for how thorough the Soviet indoctrination worked it´s way into all Russians along the Kolyma. Because there´s no doubt that most Russians who remember and lived through the Soviet Era along the Kolyma, are still profoundly indoctrinated and they have often an extremely narrow and inaccurate picture of the existing global political situation. And they´re very proud over the Motherland. Whether they´re Caucasian Russians or northern natives. Nothing wrong with that, just a fact.

”What´s the reaction of your children when you tell them of your exceedingly hard upbringing?” I finally ask Stanislaw, but as usual I get a surprising answer: ”I haven´t told them. One cannot change the past, but we have to look ahead and forget. Their lives doesn´t get any better just by knowing this.”

”But” , I exclaim, ”If nobody tells about this inhumane and horrendous time, then the knowledge gets lost with your generation and what do we humans then learn from it? If it gets forgotten, it can happen again!”

”I don´t care” , Stanislaw replies at the same time he´s squeezing my hand hard, but with warmth and ends our conversation with these words: ”I have to thank you intensely for having spared the time and energy to listen to my complains.”

Please visit my sponsors Termo who are making it possible for me to write 2 blog reports per week. Just click the logo to find the best underwear on earth.

I just talked to somebody who survived Stalin´s death camps. It felt like I had a unique glimpse into history. If I ever have felt completely humbled by life, this was such an occasion. I felt such an admiration for this extraordinary man. I was, for once, at loss of words and just grunted when he told me a bit about that horrible time. This, the same day, as Peter Weir´s Hollywood film The Way Back hits the UK market.

This film is, according to the cover, based on Slavomir Rawicz book The Long Walk – a true story. Basically it is a story about a Polish officer called Slavomir Rawicz who 1956 caused a sensation with his book “The Long Walk,” his account of a his dramatic escape from the Soviet Gulag and a 4000-mile trek on foot to India. The book was a bestseller and has remained in print for over half a century. But was it based on a true story as both the book and the film cover claims?

Well, as you readers already know after reading first the story about the 3 Poles on ExWeb, followed by Tomasz Grzywaczewski´s hotly debated article about the subject, it is a heavily doubted truth. And since Tomasz wrote this article, by far the most read article I have published on my homepage, things have just rolled on at full speed. I have pretty much spent the last two weeks reading everything on the subject. Everything from Linda Willis´well researched page turner of a book Looking for Mr Smith to listening to Hugh Levinson´s great work at BBC Radio on the subject. And, I am happy to announce that during the research I, together with my helping friend CuChullaine O`Reilly, have come across some unique content to further complicate what is true or not true in this extraordinary story.

No matter, true or not, I am happy that there´s finally a film for the broader audience concerning the GULAG camps. At least 2 million people perished in these terrible camps and, compared to, for example, the Nazi concentration camps, there´s very little knowledge for a broader audience regarding these camps. And I have sort of a personal connection with these camps. And talking with this giant of a survivor today, brought my memories back to the Kolyma.

Before, during and after my Siberian Expedition I spent a lot of time researching the history of the Soviet union and their Gulags. Especially the one´s along the Kolyma River. I have plowed through a lot of books, academic work and newspaper stories. I would say I am well acquainted with the history of the Dalstroy. I am especially well informed when it comes to the two of the camp commanders, Eduard Berzin and the maddest of them all, Karp Pavlov. Extra ordinary stories of two human beings who became mass murderers. I have also visited quite a few of the remaining camps from Kanjon just outside Seimchan to one of the worst at Ambarchik. I am actually more than fascinated by this area. And one of the books I read twice, once during the trip and once afterwards, was Slavomir Rawicz´ book The Long Walk. I really liked it, still do. It is a fantastic story, a great adventure and a profound inspiration, whether it is true or not.

Eduard Berzin - one of the infamous camp commanders at the Dalstroj chain of lagiers.

I didn´t think more about its authenticity at that time. During my time in Siberia I came across so many extra ordinary people and stories, so I thought, everything is possible. Especially if somebody has a bit of the Siberian spirit inside them. And I didn´t know anything about the doubts about its authentication back than. I did, however, come across it a few years ago, when the BBC did a programme about it all after Slavomir Rawicz death 2006.  But not even at that stage, did I think more about it except I remember I thought, these things are not easy to prove. And why would he lie and what good would that do him or his family in the long run? Well, maybe he isn´t the only one bending the truth, regarding great escape stories!

Finally, I just want to add, that I have also received many emails from other explorers who have been greatly inspired by this story. Some have even started a life as an explorer after reading this thrilling book! So, as regards to Peter Weir´s film The Way Back, one can also read the book  for pure entertainment.

The big question is, did the Long Walk even happen? Beginning the 3rd of January unique content will be published on Explorers Web. Stay tuned!

Please visit my sponsors Termo who are making it possible for me to write 2 blog reports per week. Just click the logo to find the best underwear on earth.

Part of The Long Walk articles, for the freshest article, go here!

Two weeks ago I wrote a story about three young Poles, Bartosz Malinowski, Filip Droszdz and Tomasz Grzywaczewski, who had done an extra-ordinary Expedition from Yakutsk to Calcutta. They floated 2200 kilometers down the Lena River, trekked 1000 kilometers alongside the eastern Baikal Lake shore, followed by 300 kilometers of horse riding and finished off 4500 kilometers on a bicycle through Gobi Desert to Calcutta in India. Basically to put emphasis on the famed Walk by Slavomir Rawicz, who has been made into a bestselling book and will now be filmed by Hollywood. They, among many other authorities, claim that it wasn´t Slavomir who did the walk, but another Pole named Witold Glinski. Once their story was published, well, I have spent a lot of my time trying to handle all the mail which has poured in, for and against Witold Glinski. Opinions have also been made on my last blog report here, see the comments. So, I have asked Tomasz Grywaczewski to write and prove his point for Witold Glinski. I have also asked Richard Rawicz to prove them wrong.

Long Walk to freedom

by

Tomasz Grzywaczewski

The pure facts

“You must follow your own path”.

We heard these words one March afternoon in the small cottage somewhere in the very far end of Cornwall Peninsula. The man who said them indeed had chosen his own way and made one of the most epic escapes in world history.  His name was Witold Glinski.  He told us an absolutely amazing story which began in the 1940’s.

On the remote North of Siberia, seven prisoners got out from Soviet labor camp (lagier) in Yakutia. Walking on foot, they escaped to Calcutta in India. They fled during a snow blizzard and crossed around 7.000 km through one of the most inhospitable parts of, not only Asia, but the whole world. They forced their way through the Siberian taiga, the Gobi Desert, the Tibetan Plateau and at last the Himalayas. The group of seven came from diverse backgrounds.  Four were Poles, one American, one Ukrainian, and one Yugoslavian but only four people reached their goal. Three Poles people died in the Gobi and on top of the World staying forever among the Asian wilderness.

This extraordinary story was described by another Polish former GULAG prisoner Slawomir Rawicz. His book entitled “The Long Walk. The True Story of a Trek to Freedom”(1950), with the help of English journalist from the “Daily Mail” Ronald Downing, turned out to be an overwhelming success. It became a bestseller, especially in the USA and UK.  The book was published with a few million copies and it was translated into twenty five languages. Even today “The Long Walk” is regarded to be on the most famous book ever written by Polish author.

However, there is one problem: Rawicz wrote the book as his memories. Simply, he claimed that he escaped for Lagier. For four decades nobody doubted his truthfulness. But in 2006, after Slavomir Rawicz’a death, BBC reporters found out the documents that clearly show that indeed the “Long Walk” author was imprisoned in Lagier but he could not have escaped from it because he was released on the basis on so called Sikorski – Majski agreement (settlement between Polish Government in Exile and USSR authorities).

Doubts grew bigger and bigger. It started to become obvious that the whole tale about the Great Escape was imagined and then suddenly, another journalist John Dyson from Reader’s Digest meet by accident Witold Glinski the man who said to be the real hero of “The Long Walk”. Dyson, as a journalist investigated and concluded that Glinski was not a liar after all, Glinski indeed escaped from Siberia and reached India.  Dyson based his theory inter alia on the report of British intelligence (MI 5) officer Rupert Mayne, who was serving at that time in Calcutta and who strongly, claimed that Mayne was interrogating the group of people who told the same story as Glinski.

These are the facts. But what about us and our project “Long Walk Plus Expedition”?

The expediton

It is true that “The Long Walk” was worldwide bestseller and indeed it was almost everywhere except in Poland. In our country almost no one has ever heard abut the Great Escape. The book could not be published during the communistic era and after the collapse of totalitarian regime, no one was interested in publishing it. Eventually, the very small circulation was printed by a little publishing house and it occurred that readers were absolutely not interested in reading it.

This year the Hollywood movie “The Way Back” (directed by Peter Weir) is going to be released. This incredible escape is probably going to become famous once again. But what if history repeats itself? Will it be popular everywhere with the exception of Poland?  I thought no we have to do something to remind people in Poland and around the world that the leader of the escapees was a Polish hero. We wanted to show a fascinating part of our history cannot be forgotten.

So we did it. We organized expedition on the trails of prisoners and traveled by boats, horses, bicycles and finally on foot the distance from Yakutsk to Calcutta. We had to challenge rapid rivers, thick taiga forest, thousands of mosquitoes and midges. We were suffering hungry in remote Barguzinskie Mounatians and dying from horribly thirst in the Gobi desert. We fought hurricane winds and high elevations when cycling through Tibet. We encountered dozens of extremely friendly people. On the other hand, we experienced extremely dangerous forces of nature. Somehow we touched the travels of our heroes. Of course, our situation was incomparably better, we were well-equipped, physically prepared and we a good idea about the regions on our route.  Still we managed to feel the inhuman reality of loneliness traveling across Asia and we proved that such an escape was extremely difficult and a demanding challenge, but still a possible one.

During last six months we also had an opportunity to compare content of “The Long Walk” with the reality. We discovered that there are a lot of mistakes in Rawicz’s book. I do not want to make a register of errors but some of them are so obvious that I just have to mention them. First of all Mongolia is still a nomadic country and definitely it was even more nomadic half a century ago. For centuries the most common Mongolian shelter is “ger” – round movable tent. When Mongols move looking for the new grasslands for their herds they just fold their tent and change living place. Contrary to Rawicz’s opinion houses with flat roofs were popular in Tibet but not in Mongolia…

The Gobi desert is not just a big dune. It’s not Lawrence’s style Sahara with sandy mountains glittering in the sunshine. In its biggest parts it is flat, rocky plain without plants and extremely little inhabited. But Gobi is also one of the most diverse deserts in the world. There are also deep grassy gorges, semi-deserts and high mountains. But it is not possible to walk through Gobi for a week or two without any water supplies. Temperatures there reach 55°C degrees and in such conditions traveler gets dehydrated very quickly and is dead after two/three days. We were drinking three bottles of water a day and in spite of it we were getting dehydrated extremely quickly. Our noses were bleeding, lips cracking and our minds totally focused on two simple things: water and shade which can protect us from the burning sun.  Water is essential for survival.

The Himalayas, the highest mountain range in the world with famous colossuses: Qomolangma, Annapurna and Kanchanjunga; the land of eternal snow and steep, rocky ridges. Summits that have become the obsession for dozens of adventurer souls with whom many died trying to reach their dreams. When British mountaineer George Mallory was asked: “Why do you want to climb Mount Everest”, he simply replied: “Because it’s there”. He vanished during this attempt but the question if he was able to conquest the peak is remains open. “The Long Walk” descriptions of going over the Himalayas are the literary record of the mythological idea of mystical Roof of The World.

There is myth and there is reality. In fact, it is possible to cross the Himalayas without any climbing. There are of course huge inaccessible summits but at the same time there are also wide, vast passes that can be reached, using the modern word, trekking. The Nathu La Pass between Tibet and Indian Sikkim has been a caravan route for hundreds of years. Over 3,000 of British Soldier, commanded by colonel Younghusband, crossed it during the British Expedition to Tibet. If they could do it why should it have been a problem for the small group of seven wanderers? We cycled through the Himalayas and surprisingly it was one of the easiest parts of our journey. Tibet itself with its hurricane winds, low temperatures and constant uphill roads was much more challenging.

So as for the Gobi, Mongolia, the Himalayas –we were there, we saw it, we experienced it. And I can say that, to my disappointment, at least this part of the “Long Walk” was written by somebody who has never been there…

The meetings

Tomasz Grzywaczewski - inhabitant of Lodz, law student out of reason, journalist and traveler out of passion.

It requires a deep, professional knowledge to properly understand the meaning of evidence gathered in the case of Rawicz/Glinski dispute. To my mind evidence about Slavomir Rawicz and also the serious mistakes in the book itself clearly support the theory that he did not escape from the GULAG. Nonetheless it is unquestionable merit of Rawicz that thanks to his book the whole world has heard about Long Walk. If he had not written it, maybe we would have never known about Great Escape.  As for the author of “The Long Walk”, his contribution was to publicize this incredible story.

On the other hand, I met Witold Glinski at his home in UK. I made an interview-documentary movie about him for Polish public TV.  We were talking with Glinski for three days, asking him many, many questions trying to find out if he was telling the truth. It occurred that his story was very coherent and full of details that seem to be difficult to process. Moreover, his speech was extremely emotional and it was obvious that he must have been personally engaged in this story.

It is important to stress that he is very old and also bed-ridden. He has been blind for a few years, and he has recently undergone a major surgery. It is hard to imagine that this man in his age can lie in such a convincing and precise way. Since this meeting I have been strongly convinced that Witold Glinski is the real hero of “The Long Walk”. But… doubts remain. The reason lies in the crucial time frame. There is no evidence which might prove that Glinski is a conman. Although there is also no crucial proof that can definitely settle this argument. We just need the documents which confirm that such a prisoner escaped from labour camp.  They have not been found yet. However, it’s possible that they would never be discovered because a lot of documents from Lagier’s administration vanished or destroyed. It concerns especially the prison camps which were not gathered in bigger “camp groups” (e.g. Siewwostlag governed by Dalstroj Company in Kolyma range) and which functioned like independent units. To the best of my knowledge almost all Lagiers in Yakutia were such an “independent entities” so very often there is no evidence of their existence, not mentioning the register of their prisoners.

In Yakutsk we met with historian from Yakutia University and he gave us the register of Lagiers in the Republic of Sacha with the map of its localization attached. After a few weeks we reached the forgotten labour camp in the middle of taiga which was not indicated or in the register or on the map. How many more unknown Lagiers is waiting deep in the wilderness for a discoverer?  We do not know it and maybe we will never get to know because they disappear extremely quickly destroyed by swamps, weather conditions and seasonal taiga fires.

The History Strikes Back

The Siberia; the distant and dangerous world almost unknown for the most of Europeans but for us, Polish people, Siberia is something more than just a fascinating, sinister Land of the East. It is place where thousand of our compatriots were imprisoned and murdered by the communistic regime. It is some-kind of cursed land. Solzhenitsyn’s “The GULAG Archipelago” has a very tangible meaning for Poles. Actually, this Archipelago is the part of our history therefore it is also a part of us as a nation.

However, I do not like martyrdom and I hate grieving over past tragedies. I prefer to talk about the history in the modern way, show it as a fascinating adventure with great heroes. Especially, taking into consideration that the evil was defeated, USSR collapsed and dozens of nations regained their sovereignty. That is the point of “The Long Walk”. It is great, romantic story about freedom, which should be something familiar to us but is sometimes not. It is not only an adventurous story about surviving in the extreme severe conditions. It is a more universal tale about fighting with the totalitarian system which was designed to change individuals into the slaves. The essence of this story is that these people won! Seven starving and exhausted men defeated the whole NKWD machinery of violence.

I am not a historian, and I do not feel qualified enough to evaluate the authenticity of historical documents. In fact, it was not my aim as an explorer to resolve this dispute. “The Long Walk” and Witold Glinski are the symbols of undeniable will of survival who became a free man. They are first of all symbols of Poles, Ukrainians and other nationalities that suffer from tyranny of insane dictators who built the GULAG Archipelago. American journalist, Anne Applebaum says in her book “Gulag”: This book was not written “so that will not happen again” as the cliché would have it. This book was written because it almost certainly will happen again. Totalitarian philosophies have had, and will continue to have, a profound appeal to many millions of people”. I hope that Long Walk Plus Expedition will contribute –even in a small extent, to remind people about the nightmare of totalitarianism. I do not know if it will change anything. Probably it will not, but at least we have tried.

Links:

Long Walk Homepage

Article on ExWeb about their Expedition

Previous article on Mikael Strandberg´s homepage with comments on the subject

Article about Sylvain Tesson, a French adventurer who has done a similar walk.

Discussion at the bottom, the comment page, between Tomasz and Richard Rawicz.

Article by BBC.

Discussion on the net between their families.

Article in the Daily Mirror for Witold Glinski.

Google Answer on the subject.

Tomasz Grzywaczewski – inhabitant of Lodz, law student out of reason, journalist and traveler out of passion. He ate couscous from one bowl with Berbers in the Atlas Mountains and took Mongolian snuff. The press spokesman of Explorers Festival, one of the biggest in the world festivals of mountains, nature and extreme sports. Regular partner of travel sections in newspapers: “Wprost” and “Dziennik. Gazeta Prawna.” Fascinated by treasures of the Solitary Planet which we will never wholly learn, but which we can try to explore. That’s why he “doesn’t waste time, doesn’t wait” and in his reportages tries to describe and understand reality that surrounds us. He may forget his toothbrush, but he will certainly not forget his notebook and camera. He detests routine, and feels the best on the way, when everyday is a new adventure and challenge. In his life and expeditions, in accordance with the words of Robert Frost, from “two roads diverged in a wood” he chooses “the one less traveled by.”

Since a small cold spell have hit Europe I´ve received a few calls from media and readers regarding the subject extreme cold. I immediately thought about this report which I wrote from Siberia. It will explain my thoughts.

A small note regarding the choice of equipment during Arctic Travel

It´s the 3rd of January in a grey and overcast Srednekolymsk. It´s terribly cold out there, -55°F, but there´s no wind. The New Year Celebrations is continuing with the same unhampered joy. The bar´s and disco´s in the settlement are alive.

We continue to get mails from readers all over the western world, full of interesting opinions, heaps of advice and encouragement. Inspiring, fun and thought-provoking. Many of them has to do with our choice of equipment. Quite a few are of the opinion that we´ve picked the wrong choice of clothes and equipment for an extremely cold climate like this.

´´Why´´ ,they ask, ´´haven´t you learned anything from the native people you´re living among, who´s knowledge how to dress and what equipment to choose in an extremely cold climate like the Siberian, has to be superior to any other. They have thousands of years of amassed knowledge!´´

One reader from Moscow even pointed out, that natives of this region probably have lived here for more than 300 000 years! (A Russian scientist, Yuri Mochanov, have found proof of this amazing fact along the northern part of river Lena, at an excavation site called Diring Yuriakh. That means, if it´s true, that there was a small pocket of life surrounded by the immense continental ice long before the dates we´re being taught in Scandinavian schools today!) Anyhow, I was of exactly the same opinion before leaving Sweden, namely that we would as fast as possible, get our hands on proper fur clothes before setting off on skis. And copy the natives way to dress. However, that was before I did any serious thinking. Especially regarding polar history. And, I changed my mind completely once Johan and I had a chance to try out these ancient and well-tested outfits.

Every single piece of equipment that we´re using on this Expedition, is the result of an ongoing development, which has taken place since the father of all polar travel, Frithjof Nansen, in the late 19th Century, started looking for the optimal equipment to use during physical travels in cold climates. Every single piece from the stove to the clothes we use. All the other knowledge we carry with us today as well, regarding how to travel and how to survive in this extreme cold, is also a development from this era. Arctic legends like Nansen, Robert Peary, Roald Amundsen, Knud Rasmusen, A.E Nordenskiold and Robert Falcon Scott have tried and used pretty much all existing materials like fur, canvas, leather, wool, cotton, felt to nylon. Tested under circumstances far more demanding than we´re experiencing at the moment.

The technical development has taken a big step since this epoch. We also understand the importance of what food to eat, what training and what type of preparations are needed, the full potential of the human body and the mental aspect much more. This also applies to the choice of equipment and clothes. Which is a certainty, since we´ve learned from the wide experience and mistakes of all those earlier travelers. Or at least it should be a certainty, but since we do continue to get questions and opinions about this, and since we´ve had doubts ourselves, maybe not! There´s also a fact that every single hunter, trapper and fisherman we´ve come across since leaving Zyryanka, have been utterly shocked and worried when they´ve seen how we´re dressed. They just shake their fur clad heads, look us in the eye´s and say:

´´This is no good at all. This is what you should have!´´

Then they point out, as we would be utterly mislead, what clothes and boots should be worn. What they don´t understand, and everybody else with the same opinion, including ourselves before we realized properly, is that when the native Siberians head outdoors in this extreme climate, every single step and thought they have, has to do with either getting food, do as little mistakes as possible, they never stress or overwork themselves and they try to preserve as much heat as possible. They´re not outdoors to do any sporting adventures which involves sleeping in a tent with no heating and physically abusing yourself. They travel either by snowmobile, slowly walking or, not that often, ski. They´re dressed from top to toe in a variety of fur clothes. Thin and thick garments in layers. By far the best choice of clothes if you ain´t moving too fast and you want to keep the cold at bay. And if you have a warm log cabin to return to in the evening. But if you´re out there, pulling a 100 kg heavy pulka/sledge behind you, going through rough terrain and sleeping in a tent, fur clothes are on the verge of being dangerous. They make you sweat enormously and sweat is no good at all. And not sweating is almost impossible if you do any hard work. And, anyone, who´s been sweating in fur garments, knows that it turns to ice in no time. And, for example, getting a fur glove on when it is frozen to ice, is a lot of unnecessary hard work. And it adds on to the risk of getting a nasty frostbite. By the way, even in our light wool underwear we sweat tremendously even in temperatures like -58°F and at times we have woken up in the morning, after freezing all night, having to thaw out the ice of the long underwear. That is a reality I don´t wish anyone to have to experience.

The human body is a phenomenal heat source as long as you´re moving. Which we do all the time, except when we´re inside the tent. Therefore, we dress to avoid sweating too much. Therefore a light set of underwear, a shirt, a pair of trousers and a Gore-Tex jacket with a hood is more than adequate to travel in. Even at these low temperatures. Plus a thin balaclava with a facemask and a pair of wind proofed gloves. And two pairs of light socks inside the boots. But, as quick as we stop, say just for a dump, we immediately whip out the thick down Jacket, the thickest down gloves and the thickest hood out of the pulka. Otherwise we would get serious problems. And when it is time to camp, boots off immediately as well and on with the down boots (bivvy boots), quickly inside the tent, get the stove going, get inside the sleeping bag and hope for a relatively warm night. Furthermore, these modern clothes dry much faster, the seems are better and more comfortable, they´re windproof, but they still breathe and they´re much lighter. Fur clothes are really heavy, the seems are uncomfortable after awhile and they´re clumsy to handle. And once they freeze to ice, they´re hard to handle. But, this should be said, the modern clothes and boots are nothing for someone who´s hunting, working in the forest and chopping wood. The normal life of a Siberian hunter.

Nevertheless, there´s no doubt that we´ve been freezing too much lately. Dangerously much. And we will freeze even more once we start skiing again, the 1st of February. The reason for this is due to the fact, that temperatures will continue to be low plus that there will be more snow and, worst of all, February and March are a time of blizzards and snowstorms. Therefore, we´ve realized, some parts of our modern clothes are just not sufficient below – 58°F. We need to add on some sort of solution involving fur. As additional protection. Especially on our hands since they´ve taken too much damage already. We´re presently working on a pair of big wolf skin gloves, with fur on the upper hand but only normal leather in the grip of the hand, to pull on quickly over the other gloves when needed. We´ll see how they will turn out.

What, than, can the modern developers of polar equipment and clothes learn from the Siberians? First of all, I think it is, once again, important for them to properly understand how extremely inept, slow and awkward all movements become in this extreme cold. The longer the time, the worse. (I have a feeling that most gear to day are made to last a normal modern polar trip. Maximum 2 months.) Gloves shouldn´t be too tight, arm sleeves neither, no unnecessary and complicated solutions as for example to many zippers. The pocket openings have to be wider and longer, more space and more back up solutions if the gear brakes. Which it will sooner or later in extreme climates. Siberians also always have a quick backup. As an example, our ski bindings, who´s weak points broke immediately when temperatures went below -58°F. Luckily, there wasn´t too much snow at this moment, so we could walk. If this hadn´t been the case, we would have faced serious problems. It wouldn´t have been a problem at all if the manufacturer had added two simple square holes on the sides of the bindings, where we could have slipped through a piece of string, to keep the boot in the binding. This backup solution would also have made the binding lighter. A Siberian binding is just a piece of leather which is tied over the front part of the boot. If it brakes, there´s a spare at hand immediately. This solution is no doubt much weaker, more uncomfortable and is made only for shorter trips, but, there´s always a backup possibility.

We´ve definitely progressed a lot since the day of Nansen, but there´s still some distance to go to complete perfection!

Yes, I do worry quite a bit about everything. I guess I am a worrier. I am at my worst whilst on Expedition since I am, quite often, sure that I have brought on a deadly disease. My worst nightmare is getting an inflammation in my heart. Something which would make me a cripple for at least two years. I have heard, by rumor. On the Siberian Expedition, my partner, Johan Ivarsson had, to a certain degree, the same problem. Do read this little report from the expedition, and enjoy and laugh!

2004-12-02 – Fatigue

2 december, in the tent at N 66°25´45.8 E 151°50´57.6, 15 km;s, 9 hours hard slogging. One of Johans skiboots is on its way to break up and my coughing is getting worse. Snowing and overcast, almost whiteout.

We´ve passed the half way mark now. According to plan. And we´ve also reached the first stage of feeling utterly run down. Also expected. I´ve experienced this nasty fatigue on all of my Expeditions. This moment when all energy- and fat deposits are emptied and one has to find other means to continue forward.

This is when we start eating the extra rations of food that we´ve specifically brought with us, additional fat (5 kg;s of butter), think about the beloved ones at home, understand the privilege one is encountering by being here on the Kolyma during winter, generally daydream about positive things and look forward to the next exiting meeting with one of these fantastic Siberians, which on and off turns up along the Kolyma!

The indoor heating is on sauna level and everybody are chain-smoking, day and night, it´s like sleeping inside a smoking room. Terrible! Next time we come across people, probably in three days time in the Even village Uraba, no matter how cold it is, we´ll sleep outdoors in the tent!

This issue with emptied energy- and fat deposits is a less enjoyable experience. All physical problems one has experienced earlier in life, suddenly springs to life. All of them at once. For me, this means a touch of lumbago, pains in a left knee, hernia and painful kidneys. Johan is faring better, though. He is strong and young and haven´t had time to attract physical problems yet. Still, he says he feels like he´s been run over by a train, twice, and only wants to sleep. We´re both experiencing mouth sores, painful gums, headaches and, unfortunately, for me, also a real tiring cough. A result of these three times that we slept inside when visiting people during the first days after leaving Zyryanka. The indoor heating is on sauna level and everybody are chain-smoking, day and night, it´s like sleeping inside a smoking room. Terrible! Next time we come across people, probably in three days time in the Even village Uraba, no matter how cold it is, we´ll sleep outdoors in the tent!

Naturally this is a mentally tiring time. It is now you ask yourself why on earth do one put oneself through this freezingly, almost dangerous, hard slog. One definitely doubts once a day! In fact, there´s in reality very little you see during the skiing. It is to dark and the cold makes you cover your face thoroughly and you can´t see anything sidewise and your facemask makes it impossible to look down. Worst, though, is that your eyelids are continuously frozen together, so one almost gets a feeling of being inside a prison cell. So, the only thing you really see during a day of skiing, is the tracks made by the local fauna, one passes. Which, amazingly enough, isn´t to often. There´s no traces of people around. The only tracks we see are mainly left by hares, but also fox and wolf.

We´re therefore, a week earlier than hoped, been forced to use the extra rations of fat ( 50 grams of butter/person/day) and that also forces us from now on, to ski nonstop for 14 days to reach Srednekolymsk before we run out on food. It feels totally impossible right now.

Physical and mental fatigue was expected at this stage, but it is worse than I thought. The reason is not only the cold, which already has gone below -40°F, but also these far too heavy pulkas/sledges (100 kg;s per person), the grainy and heavy snow and these, sometimes 2 meters high, barriers of broken up ice. We´re therefore, a week earlier than hoped, been forced to use the extra rations of fat ( 50 grams of butter/person/day) and that also forces us from now on, to ski nonstop for 14 days to reach Srednekolymsk before we run out on food. It feels totally impossible right now.

Those still alive, will soon be aware.

One subject of exploration, well, life in general, which people very seldom talk about is what happens if I fail? And, I am one of these uneasy people who worry about far too much. Both professionally and personally. And, always, about half way through an Expedition I get cold feet and a dreadful feeling that life will go to hell. That I will fail. The toughest period of anxiety was about half way during the Siberian Expedition. This is the report I wrote than, which still stands true today. Enjoy the read and please comment!

Worries regarding failure

3 Feb, 05 – 21:05
GPS-pos: N67°28´ | E153°42´ | Alt: 11 M

It is the 3rd February today, -49°F, and that means the extreme cold is back again. Plus a freezing northerly wind! No big joy, that´s for sure! We´re still having a cold, but no fever, so we think we´ve turned it around with the help of garlic, enormous portions of food and additional vitamins, heading for the better and consequently we´re setting off tomorrow!

At the present, we´ve been traveling for 6½ months. We´ve put most of what we hoped to accomplish behind us. As we see it, we have one remaining difficult stretch left. 350 km:s and a months skiing to Kolymskaya from here. After that, we reckon we have two easier stretches, at least on paper, where we only see polar bears and blizzards as the major obstacles. However, I am worried that we might fail during this upcoming stretch. Not we, but that I will.

The worry to fail is a subject nobody wants to talk about, even though this feeling is always present amongst most of us. What happens if I won´t make it? Or we?

We´re mentally and physically run down at the present, after a fantastic journey, but still, an extremely demanding Expedition. Our thoughts are as much at home as they are here. I know by experience, that these worries occur after a long time of travel. At least 6 months. You suddenly want to get it all over with, you miss your loved ones and there´s a potential of great danger in these thoughts.

There´s definitely a possibility this could happen on this upcoming stretch. We´re mentally and physically run down at the present, after a fantastic journey, but still, an extremely demanding Expedition. Our thoughts are as much at home as they are here. I know by experience, that these worries occur after a long time of travel. At least 6 months. You suddenly want to get it all over with, you miss your loved ones and there´s a potential of great danger in these thoughts. Of course, for this reason, we´ve both caught a cold. We still want to get going, though. We´ve also got problems sleeping, we just seem to be tossing and turning all night. For different reasons. I suspect Johan is only influenced by my worries. He´s just 21 and he´s done more than one can expect from someone who´s out on his first Expedition. So, if he would be forced to give up, that wouldn´t harm his future. Or life. It´s worse for somebody like myself who´s done this all my grown up life. 20 years. The full weight of the success of this Expedition is all on my shoulders.

Why do I worry? Because I don´t have a decent reason like Johans inexperience? Well, there´s a simple answer. The worry is that I won´t be able to keep the promise I´ve given to so many. Our sponsors, people who follow us from all over the world and the worry not to be able to tell others about this great remaining stretch of the Kolyma! And, of course, partly due to the fear how I will cope with a possible failure myself. I don´t fret regarding how other people will look upon me, I´ve stopped worried about that years ago, but how I would see myself. But than again, this anxiety is of course a normal human emotion. The sentiment called shame. Gee, I would like to know the thoughts of evolution which gave us humans this tiring emotion!

Fortunately, I´ve been in this position so many times, that I do know, that the only way to handle this wall of worries is to just throw in everything you have in the way of capacity and knock it over on the way with not one single thought of apprehension! But, still, what if?

It is indeed easy to get blinded by this worry and forget about all the overwhelming positive aspects. Like these fantastic people waiting in huts along the way, our chance to document the last stretch of this unique area and, once out there, experiencing that feeling of total freedom, stillness and harmony. One of the main reasons why it is impossible to stop doing this, living this life. When doing 10-12 hours of hard physical work every day, you clean your brain completely clean every day and that in combination means your sleep is really good. Most of the time. Anyhow, we will know how it all went within 4-6 weeks.

To find out what happened, read this!