“What went wrong in Greenland? On the Icecap crossing?”
I get that question often. My answer has since the accident happened been the same. I did a mistake, fell on the ice and got a severe concussion. Shit happens.
Something very beautiful has happened in my life the last two months. It is almost unreal, but it has happened. This truth has opened up my heart in many ways. Like when I woke up a week ago, like today at 3 a.m, after three hours of sleep, I switched on the light and saw one book sticking out of the bookshelf. The book you see I am holding here. Photos from the succesful crossing over the Icecap by my team. Executed perfectly by Mikael Mattsson. The back cover of the book is where my sled with all my gear was left. Which turned out to be on top of an ice river. So I have lost all my gear. Except a few things that I lent to two members of the team. My stove, ice axe, 1.5 liter Stanley thermos, the wind sack and a few more bits and pieces. I tried this past week a final time to get them back, but gave up and I see them as lost too. It is what it is.
Yes, it has been a small trauma. I am still suffering from the concussion. It is much better, but still there. Doctors tell me it will take some time. It doesn´t affect me too much, more than I cannot sit in front of a TV or a computer screen more than an hour each day or so. Which of course is a problem, but at least I have no issues training or travelling. And you get used to dizziness and headaches.
Anyway, I haven´t really thought about what went wrong. Mainly because I feel incredibly disappointed, stupid and haven´t had the energy to really deal with the issue. But with the help of being in love, my heart has opened up to deal with it. So, yesterday I went up into the attic, look through all my Arctic gear to see what I still have left. Certainly enough to head for the snow, some cold and the mountains next week!
And I just love preparing and getting ready! The girls helped me immediately, though they will not come this time. They are heading off even further north to spend Christmas with their mum. So I will spend Christmas Eve in the darkness, in the tent. Hoping for better Christmas than last year, which I rate one of the worst in my life. I will get back to that horrible occacion, once in the tent. And I will try to sort out what really went wrong. And what did I learn from this.
Life is good! Sorting out issues is great! Heading for the great outdoors is even better!
PS: The photo book is put together by the amazing Peter Wilson who did an enormous job before, under and after the crossing. DS